In my dreams, I'll always see you

Soar above the sky.

In my heart, there'll always be a place for you.

For all my life, I'll keep part of you with me.

And everywhere I am, there you will be.

I love you Dennis now and until the end of time.

Sheila xxx

Yesterday morning when I drew back the curtains , I had a wonderful surprise. There opposite my window, was a fella looking my way! He was a lovely fat friendly looking snowman, four to five feet tall with very expressive rolling eyes. This poor fella ,was hatless, standing in a world of white.

I thought of D's Ratpack hat in the wardrobe but only briefly, and then banished the thought of commissioning it! On reflection, I think Dennis would well have enjoyed seeing the snowman in his favourite headgear.

What pleased me most about the snow man was that on my way to, from and whilst in Church, no less than three people asked me if I had built the lovely snowman .I was sad to tell them I had not, but on reflection as I was drinking my coffee at home after Mass, I felt it was a great compliment for people to have thought that I am still young enough at heart and with a sense of fun to do that sort of thing! Maybe next time?

The moral of this story is .. get that camera out of the high cupboard and always remember to keep it powered up! You never know when there's going to be a handsome fella outside your window waiting to be caught on camera!

D. would have loved him as much as I did.

Yesterday morning, when I drew back the curtains , I had a wonderful surprise. There opposite my window, was a fella looking my way! He was a lovely fat friendly looking snowman, four to five feet tall with very expressive rolling eyes. This poor fella ,was hatless, standing in a world of white.

I thought of D's Ratpack hat in the wardrobe but only briefly, and then banished the thought of commissioning it! On reflection, I think Dennis would well have enjoyed seeing the snowman in his favourite headgear.

What pleased me most about the snow man was that on my way to, from and whilst in Church, no less than three people asked me if I had built the lovely snowman .I was sad to tell them I had not, but on reflection as I was drinking my coffee at home after Mass, I felt it was a great compliment for people to have thought that I am still young enough at heart and with a sense of fun to do that sort of thing! Maybe next time?

The moral of this story is .. get that camera out of the high cupboard and always remember to keep it powered up! You never know when there's going to be a handsome fella outside your window waiting to be caught on camera! Dennis would have loved him as much as I did.

'Our love affair is a wondrous thing

That we'll rejoice in remembering.

Our love was born with our first embrace

And a page was torn out of time and space.

Our love affair, may it always be,

For us to embrace through Eternity

So take my hand with a fervent prayer

That we will go on through time and space

With our love affair to remember'

Yes, I lived through every moment of 'Sleepless in Seattle' again last night and was warmed by he memory of how much Dennis loved this film. We always loved happy endings. This was a special one though for a pair of old romantics like my fella and me, so i relly enjoy revisiting it.

Many years ago when I was a regular 'Girl Friday' towards the end of my teaching career, a member of staff said that I was a 'right, regular little Pollyanna'.

The compliment was wasted on me at the time beause I had managed to live into my seventh decade without ever having read 'Pollyanna' so I knew not, that she was the bringer of Gladness!

I found out about her today when on a day when the temperature is well below zero outside , I went channel hopping with the remote looking for football, instead of going out for a healthy walk and some active oxygen, and found Pollyanna instead. It made me cry a bit but I was safely away from Jack Frost so I escaped the frost bite

Perhaps this has been the hardest part of the past twenty two months without Dennis. I now look back on our lives together and wonder if perhaps he slipped a happy pill into those morning cups of tea he so faithfully brought to my bedside every morning? He was a Saint!

As we grew older and responsibilities were less it seemed there was less to worry about. It was easy to be Glad. After all there is an old saying 'The world is so full of a number of things that we should all be as happy as Kings!' On the cynical side, it would help to stay away from TV and newspapers with all the doom and gloom to be found there. ...but then I would have missed the inspiration for my little philosophical ramble of the day and my prayer thought.

Dear Lord I thank you for all that is positive in my life. Bless those who are burdened with uncertainty and gloom that their loads may be lightened. I thank you for those around who cheer me on my way. Help me to be supportive and cheerful to all I meet that I too may spread a little Joy, just as Dear Auntie Mabel was always able to do. Amen.

When I was two words from the end of my diary for 1st February my keyboard ran out of batteries and I lost all that I had written!

I was disappointed but had enjoyed the period of reminiscence as I wrote. I had been thinking of Dennis with his early morning routines, curtains drawn back, perpetual calendar on the bedroom window sill set at the new date, and his monthly habit of saying 'We have to say Rabbits today, it is a new month' He was such a creature of habit , I have so many day to day memories of him and his goings on! I thank God for them for it means that he is never very far away.

Today is Candlemas Day so it is a day for more than cybercandles! We lit candles at the back of the church and after a brief ceremony processed,singing into the church carrying them. Nobody went up in flames!

It is also the day when I remember having my major surgery. It is two years since I let the NHS into my life reluctantly,and it was a great blessing that I did so. My young doctor called the whole thing 'serendipidous' a chance visit to him for a Well Woman test revealed a problem.

I only ever in my life time with Dennis kept one secret from him and it saddened me to have to keep the whole truth about my surgery from him. His life was nearing it's end and there was no way I could tell him. I saw the Consultant on 28th February and Dennis lived for only 23 more days.

I am still here, bouncing merrily along and have remained well and positive, having had the very best of care. Today at Mass I thanked God for that care and also for my well being. He must have some work for me to do still, and I thank Him for that very special Angel who watches over myself and our dear family.

I spotted a very old film on TV yesterday and had to watch it.It was 'The Shepherd of the Hills 'and is memorable for me because I only remember my Mum and Dad taking me to the pictures twice when I was little, and to see this was on the first occasion.

Made in 1941 , I must have been just seven years old and it must have made a great impression on me for me to have the urge to watch it again yesterday.

It was a gentle film about country people living in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains, plagued by superstition and disharmony and about a man who had left the community many years before who eventually came back, to make a powerful difference to the people he had left behind.

The old homesteads, the scenery, the story with its old ways and its message, made it well worth watching. To be 71 years old, it has worn very well indeed and I am glad to have seen it again. Dennis would have loved it. Wish we had worn as well as this old movie!

You placed gold on my finger

You brought love like I'd never known.

You gave life to our children

And to me a reason to go on.

You're my bread when I am hungry

You're my shelter from troubled winds

You're my anchor in life's ocean

But most of all you're my best friend.

Dennis , I firmly believe that when you left us, you became a Special Angel to look out for the family and myself. I feel you are able to seek help and protection for us. I thank you for all the good things you have been able to do with God's help.

Love you. Sheila.xxx

Some say that the Year of the Dragon is about fire and spit! That sounds anything but peaceful to me. Since it is peace which calms, I guess that means I will have to try extra hard to be tranquil and accepting. A lesson still to be worked on at my ripe old age.

In my teenage years I was a good hurdler and a high jumper.These sorts of challenge appealed to me more than any of the other activities on the Physical Exercise programme. I didn't realise then that I was preparing for the whole of life not just getting exercise at that time. As I look back I see that life has often been a series of spaced out hurdles to be jumped before life could go on.

Perhaps the sad thing about older age is that what is a hurdle now, would not have presented as a hurdle or a special challenge even five years ago. The amount of support I am able to give to others is less, and that troubles me. I feel a lesser mortal.

Driving three old ladies like myself home after a funeral tea last Friday evening in the busy rush hour when it was raining stair rod rain was a challenge.Things I would have taken easily in my stride don't seem to be quite so easy now . I have to remember that older age raises the bar and I have to accept that and be able to judge when the bar is an inch too high!

Dear Lord, please help me to be content and accept what I am still able to do rather than mourn the 'lost facility' the diminished confidence and the awful feeling that maybe it is laziness creeping up on me. Amen.

Deep in my heart dear, I have a dream of you.

Fashioned in stardust,perfumed of roses and dew.

Our paths may sever, I will remember forever.

Deep in my heart dear, I'll always dream of you.

How very different was my drive back from Amersham from that of last week. It was raining rain of Biblical Proportions today as I travelled down the by pass, and I had to remember all that D had ever taught me about testing the brakes after driving through flooded lanes below Chequers once I had left the busier road.

I nearly had a flood inside the car when strains of 'Take That' came over the Magic airways with 'Rule the World', making me feel highly emotional.

Dennis was always a great forward planner and at holiday time we would sit on top of the mountains in Switzerland making domestic plans for the coming year. He always told me in the days when we walked up instead of taking the tele cabin that when we reached the peaks no plan or challenge seemed too great for him.

Sitting up there, we always remembered Nicola and that sweet little voice of hers singing 'I sat on the top of a mountain and thought How little I am in it all'

Just as I was feeling watery eyed, Tina Turner came on the radio with the next disc .'I will survive' which shook me up and was was the perfect anti dote to my sadness.